Tuesday, July 27, 2010
last sunday, i hev no money and im at hostel.
i hev no food except milo fuze 3 in 1 and green tea..
so, i cried (fine. i noe sgt memalukan)
because i hev never been so poorer in my life..
i called my parents and told them everything..i asked them if they can bring food over here. cuz im hypo already..
n i hev no money, mom. im broke.
next thing i know..my dad called back. he asked for my acc num and wanted to bank in. he said, we will come in the evening, so what r u goin to eat for breakfast and lunch?
i was touched. i never thought my parents would really care, cuz well u noe..im boros. n no money bcuz i spend too much dis month..
n they came..brought foods!!
all the foods i like!! all kinds of biscuits and believe it or not, i love milo so much..my dad bought 18 boxes of milo!! goshhh!! ala, u noe those..6 boxes..but like he bought 1 carton..
i asked, "dad, who wants to drink all this??"
and of course lah..nasi wif ikan parang masak sambal and sup ayam (my fave) and acar sayur..
tp x abs..wat jadi sahur plak..
all my fave biscuits taw x..
jacobs, oat crunch, lexus kaler purple..hehe
saya suke sgt!!
well..i really really thank my parents for dat.
they were really concern for me. cuz u noe..i always wanted to do everything alone. and i thought i noe everything in the world..
and i never listen to them..literally
im a horrible daughter. i feel bad. n i cried again..they would do everything to make me happy..
i was just touched. n always feel grateful with what i have..
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
tonight i have a confession to make.
its been a long time i keep it to myself and finally tonight i want to tell. for whoever dats been reading my blog =p
so people asked me, " tina, ur not bad. ur a good girl, u hev perfect family, u study very well..but y u never had a bf..?"
i simply told them. im not interested to hev one. but dat was just to covered up the whole confession thing.
u see..when i was in high school, i used to date guys. like every teenage girls in high school, popularity is very important, reputation is number one, status is like currency..and so on..
but seriously, dat was high school..n i never dated them outside from school..
they were mostly athletes, basketball player..and some are bad boys..which i found very interesting to be with..just dat time and no more.
lets check, last time i broke up with my bf is because he was way overprotected..
he wanted to do anything and everything together..its like no air. no space. n i got scared. he caged me. and it was so hard to earn his trust..so one day, i found my chance..and i escaped. i told him the truth. so we broke up. it took me years to put up wif his ego.
i sit in the corner, n promised not to ever fall in love. if i noe it was so hard to keep a relationship, i wouldn't want to do it. i rather be friends wif everyone..
so everytime people want to get to noe me, i hev already shut it down. i blocked my heart. keep pushing everyone away..
cuz the way they wanted to noe me, like u noe..those pervert. ok maybe im paranoid? idk..
trust and respect. dat is what keepin love together. or at least for me.
so now u noe, when u told me to go out and look out for friends..meet new people especially guys, it wasn't easy. its not like i can't, but i dun want. im always content with whatever i have.
i have very few people dat i trust. one of them is you.
and i always thought guys at my age are lack of maturity and knowledge. all they want to talk about is sex. n i know their anatomy better than they do.
its just not cool at all when they actually try to talk bout it, but it turns out they even sucks at their own anatomy. and i have to correct them everytime. its pathetic.
just so u noe, i dont fall in love wif guy dat same age as me.
statement harini ialah, jgn kacau aq. aq nk lepak2 je dlm bilik, tido, on9, study, kemas wardrobe..sume2 lah..yg penting xnk kua spend money.
cuz im broke. really. oke mmg dlu kalau aq ckp aq da xde duit, xde sape nk cye kn...tp mmg btol weyyy..aq xde duit. aq tngh bertahan xblk umh, sbb sje nk test diri sndri..ssh nye hidup xde duit..(sje cri psal la hang ni..)
but its true.
cmni cite dia...
smlm g pasar malam kt kerinchi tu haa..
xde cash kt dlm wallet aq..(actually mmg kt acc pown skit je)
so, nk g atm kuar kn duit la...
tbe2 smpai je kt sne..
'this machine is temporarily out of service'
ok. time tu mmg aq rse nk lri blk kolej, kurung diri dlm bilik..
tp nsb baek membe aq ckp "xpe, gne duit ktowg dulu.."
even aq btol2 ckp ngn diowg yg duit tambang pown aq xde sbb aq kua bwk atm card je..(bajet ade duit la..)
ok la..xpe..last je..pasni xnk meminjam da..nanti atm yg cm sial tu da elok..aq byr korg taw..
so da smpai tu mmg aq set dlm pale otak aq ni..aq nk mkn nasi lemak ayam..da lme aq xmkn nasi lemak kot...dan memang tu je yg aq beli..diowg yg bayar kn..rase bersalah la..xsuke..xsuke..
and of course la..diowg hanya mampu tersenyum je..
nk taw xsbb ape kalau aq xde duit aq xnk kua..even org nk blanje..
1. aq xske pnjm2..duit ke, barang2 ke..yes..im a freak. aq ade sume brng2 dgn lengkapnye..so aq xperlu pnjm kt org laen..sbb..nth aq xselesa gne brng org laen..
2. rase bersalah ble pnjm ngn kawan2. kalau diowg blnje lg la aq segan..
3. biase nye aq dapat beli, so wtpe nk pnjm kn..kalau desperate pnjm..aq akan ckp sori kt dia sepanjang hari..it kinda annoying ryte?
yes i know, nmpk cm gedik, ngade, perasan anak org kaye la..bla bla..
fine. deal with it. aq xsusa kn hidup ko pown.
actually mse aq kecik, kalau aq nk pape..juz ckp je ngn parents aq..nt diowg beli kan. so wtpe nk pnjm kn..mmg aq da ade. my parents take care of me very well ;)
i was taught not to borrow people things too often. mne la aq taw kn, ade org suke sgt pnjm meminjam..pastu ble da pnjm, rosak plak..
aq mmg nanges weyh..sbb brng tu ayah yg beli kn..bg org pnjm je da rosak :(
even bnd tu simple, murah, sng dapat..tp kn tu ayah yg belikan..kne la jge elok2..
mmg aq sng dapat ape yg aq nak..dlu mmg aq spoiled. sume org ckp en..
tp bile org belikan utk aq something, aq jge elok2 taw ;)
kdg2, smpai xgune..sbb sayaaanggg sgt..
thanx dad and mom!
ur the best!!
ps: when i aim on it, i want it, i will get it by all means..
Sunday, July 18, 2010
fine. da biase.
im a nurse.
its a duty.
u juz probably have to understand more.
or maybe u should leave if u juz tink u can't be wif a nurse.
i can't have bf now. dats what im thinkin.
i have to wait for damn 1 more year.
very few understand my job as a student nurse here.
we mostly have almost the same shift as staff nurses.
n yes, we worked our ass out.
if u were my bf, yes i love you.
but u got to understand my career.
i have a dream. n so were you.
lets make it a dream come true.
i really really tink u shud leave. now. u distracting me.
Friday, July 16, 2010
yes. akhinya procedure aq yg sgt la memenatkan utk di settle kn telah pun berakhir ;)
kne buat byk appoinment.
sebab mse kite nk buat procedure tu sometimes tak kena ngn tutor punye time. so kne la mengalah. after all, mereka yg akan supervise kami.
mmg agak lega jgk la.
sebab cm nk final year dah..
next year amk house final then board of nursing :(
kne blaja dan blaja dgn kuat dan smart.
topik mmg sgt menarik tp mereka yg mengajar kadang2 kurang menarik.
dan quotes mereka utk saya "tina, dun be too playful"
ishh..mne ade playful. tak serius jugak..
haha..mmg ckp byk ke dlm kelas? nth. saya sendiri pun xtaw..
saya emo lahhh ;)
no 3 tu..mmg sume org pown sleepy kn? kn?
jgn tipu taw..pancing memang hebat dlm kelas ye..
saya xsabar nk graduate.
21. and a staff nurse.
cm best je dgr.
then, dpt green light utk ade bf, maybe utk kawen skali pown dpt..hehe..
actually green light tu saya sendiri yg letak. sbb susah sgt nk ade bf time study..
bile da keje kn senang..bole arrange sendiri..nak dating kul bpe..nak makan lg..haihh..mcm2 la..
seronok la plak. kalau ade bf. kalau xde, len cite r..kite lepak2 ngn membe r..
saya masih ade membe di seputeh lg.. ;)
bole g sne makan nasi goreng usa kak nor..kn sedap tu...
dkt sgt pj ngn seputeh kn ;)
ala tp taw da..
bile da keje sume org ckp time study lg best..
bole lepak ngn membe..memories and all..
tp sini cm penjara. kalau nmpk tu nmpk la..xnmpk cube bukak mate besar2 ye...
Thursday, July 15, 2010
I was nothing more
than a girl who wished
for something different
watchin her dreams
from a distance
when you came in
its a different game
You believe in me so much
You turn me from nothing to a girl
when you by my side
(kulalui semua dengan senyuman di wajahku)
when you by my side
(ku tempuhi semua kerana engkau di sisi ku)
I was never more than this
Something kept me reaching out
but my heart is wanting
what its looking for
then you came
you turn me upside down
Im no longer afraid
Ill be the last one standing
but i dun hev bf.
seriously. while some people scared of gettin married at early age, i found dat married at early age is fun and exciting.
a whole new life begins. adventure. yeay..
but i hev different kind of reason too tho..
i want to hev baby. i love them!
they r so cuteee!! and love to cuddle wif them..
im a student nurse. so im posting in nursery and my gosh..
the babies are amazing. so cute. so nice. and they smell great. like babies smell u noe how it is..
n u culd c how the parents work together..maybe mostly the fathers as in mother is in pain or something..
family. is great. i want to hev one. a perfect one. then it will be picture perfect.
i dun mind married at dis kinda age. it will be cool to do everything wif the person i love and i want to be wif him and dun hev to worry about almost everything in the world.
let's grow old together
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
i hate num 4.
everything bout num 4 is not me.
num 4 made me tink.
i want to quit. nursing. everything. and lead a happy life as kindergarden teacher. see children everyday. see toddler everyday. play wif them, teach them..go lawatan and do eveything together..dat is when i can smile effortlessly.
now, i hev to smile n laugh. even i dun want and i hate to.
i want to cry really hard. but tears not coming out. im stressed but i dun noe how to admit it. i dun noe how to say it. i dun noe how to expressed my feelings clearly. i only noe when im angry. like now, i dun even noe if im happy to go back home tomorrow or sad or no feelings at all.
i hate to burst into tears. im not a cry baby. i wont cry dat is what i always told myself.
i hev a strong heart. but it gets weaker everytime something like dis happened.
i hate myself.
yes i hev issues wif my ego. i noe.
im so dizzy i can't tink straight.
it feels like now how i want to get money to pay my contract.
i want money. now. 60k.
i never really wanted to do dis course. i dun noe what i want. i want to be wif the kids but at the same time i love to learn new things.
yes. im jealous wif my frens and roomate.
so my tutor asked if im still keen to learn. or my social life just won't let me do it anymore.
seriously, idk. i can't figure it out. yet.
i feel fat.
and it stucked in my brain.
i need to exercise.
i hate all this.
ps: if u just want to noe, u culd just ask me.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
td dengar khabar berita
dr tutor office
"spe2 yg xdpt sekian2 procedure, xley enter sem 5"
sekian2 procedure ada diantara nye aq xdpt lg..
ok fine la
dia ckp xley pkai red band..
red band means final year student
ni lah statement aq skg
" bole x kalau aq nk enjoy2 dlu..even tinggal lg 2 weeks je posting..nk akhir2 nt baru gelabah2 lahhhhh.."
mcm mne nk wat ni?
aq skg kt specialise area..every weekend dpt cuti..
xapply pown dpt..
so mmg la nk blk...
bak kate diowg "ko local, rugi xblk woooo.."
terngiang2 kt gegendang telinga aq ni haa..
besides, mrk yg tersyng nk tgk eclipse..
haa..peluang lg ni..nk blk je..
xyh kuar kn pape pown...sume fmly ambik kn..
so lg la rugi berganda2..(cm men saham jea ko ni..)
mmg life aq cmni,
kalau org tnye en..
"ouh..aq kt cinema ni..tgk wyng.."
"ngn spe..? bf ea..?"
"eh xla..ngn fmly.."
"ko ktne ni?"
"ngh dinner jp"
"ngn spe je..?"
"ngn fmly aq la.."
mmg fmly is my life.
kalau aq ade bf pown nt, diowg mst ade fmly yg baik2..i mean yg still consider as one fmly lahh..
sgt penting tu..kalau dia lari umh ke ape..anak derhaka ke ape..lg susah nt..bertahun2 xtego mak ayah..ishhh..ade jea..jgn kate xde..
so after dis korg xyh heran la ek..;)
tp xbermaksud plak aq ni anti social..
kalau xde maknenye fb ngn blog ni haaa...
juz membe kdg2 pown ade life sndri kn..
lepak cm bese jea..aq ni bkn wild party ke ape..
so skg ni hati aq mmg xkeruan..
mcm2 lg la..
tp tu lahhh...
bkn malas nk p wat tp keadaan yg memaksa aq utk malaskan diri ini.. -__-'''
Monday, July 5, 2010
Adakah anda happy sekarang??
depends pada tafsiran happy anda. sy xde ape2 mood skg.
Kenapa anda happy??
kadang2 sy happy tanpa sebab. saje happy cm org giler..
Apakah benda yang boleh membuat anda happy.
macam2. everything excites me. i loike.
Pernahkah anda menerima tag?
Nyatakan warna yang anda suka.
pink, biru,ungu, putih, hijau. tp semestinya sy xsuka oren.
Beritahu 9 orang yang anda mahu tag
Tuliskan sesuatu tentang orang yang anda tag. Nak tulis panjang berjela pun takpe.
Adakah anda happy dengan apa yang ada??
Sunday, July 4, 2010
anyway..we watched knight and day
tom cruise is still as hot as ever!
but i dun fall dis time..
no wonder katie holmes can't take her eyes off him.
the eyes goin to kill me soon..hhaa
the muvi is about
a battery. seriously and how ppl really wanted it cuz it can generate power.
not ur average duracell!!
its average. for me.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
dat is y u hev to watch the back up plan.
ehhh..im writing dis at 1203 so
counts as last night la kn ;)
nway im still happy
1. i got to spend my evening wif de guy..and his fren.
2. im a grown up!! i rode a taxi alone!! yeay!! never done dat bfre..
3. i watched the back up plan wif de guy.
but wt im happy the most is, the plan bout dat evening..i never really thought of it. it juz pop up. n glad it worked.
my date. i dun even noe if its appropriate to called him dat. he's very fine guy..and yes he's tall. he juz like so real u noe..n he's very nice..n wt my frens called sweet after wt he has done to me. ok so it like dis..
im a fool when it comes to public transport.
i really juz stupidily follow wtever if it says so.
i dun even noe if i got cheated or anythin.
n i dun like to wait. most important.
but hey, he was there.
he waited together wif me for taxi..oh come on..its like 2200 ok.
n who noes he is like dat. gentleman.
n i said im scared. i really mean it..felt like want to cry bcuz had to wait and like theres no taxi.
but hey he was there again..
stop the taxi n kinda do everything. but i did say thank u.
so one of my frens ask; if he's juz ur fren he wouldnt do dat. like no feelings. nobody wuld waited for 30 mins for taxi wif someone they always texting but its first time meetin.
and i said; well maybe he's like dat. he treat all his frens the same. i mean its nyte, u culdnt leave a scared lil girl alone. he's juz bein a real guy ok. no big deal. dats wt frens for. i mean he culdnt like me..im juz a plain jane.
but wtever he did to me.. i loike ;)
ps: we knew each other lahh..we went to seminar together. he's my high skul fren..but diff skul. we met but never really know each other dat time. ala budak2 kot time tu..haha..
i really appreciate the night.