Friday, July 9, 2010

quit. berhenti. stop.

i hate num 4.
everything bout num 4 is not me.
num 4 made me tink.

a lot.

i want to quit. nursing. everything. and lead a happy life as kindergarden teacher. see children everyday. see toddler everyday. play wif them, teach them..go lawatan and do eveything together..dat is when i can smile effortlessly.

now, i hev to smile n laugh. even i dun want and i hate to.
i want to cry really hard. but tears not coming out. im stressed but i dun noe how to admit it. i dun noe how to say it. i dun noe how to expressed my feelings clearly. i only noe when im angry. like now, i dun even noe if im happy to go back home tomorrow or sad or no feelings at all.
i hate to burst into tears. im not a cry baby. i wont cry dat is what i always told myself.
i hev a strong heart. but it gets weaker everytime something like dis happened.
i hate myself.

yes i hev issues wif my ego. i noe.

im so dizzy i can't tink straight.
it feels like now how i want to get money to pay my contract.
i want money. now. 60k.

i never really wanted to do dis course. i dun noe what i want. i want to be wif the kids but at the same time i love to learn new things.

yes. im jealous wif my frens and roomate.
they're genius.

so my tutor asked if im still keen to learn. or my social life just won't let me do it anymore.
seriously, idk. i can't figure it out. yet.

i feel fat.
and it stucked in my brain.
i need to exercise.

i hate all this.

ps: if u just want to noe, u culd just ask me.

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