Sunday, March 28, 2010

im in a circus.

hey u.
yeah u.

thanx is the first word i want to say to u.
knowing u is the best part of all.

but sadly,
im walking on a very thin line.
u c,
i always had this thing on my mind
where by, im walking on a very thin line.
and everyone that i knows, surrounds me.
cheering for me.
when i look down, unfortunately there is no safety net, neither a safety belt for me.
its like im in a circus.
people around me,
some of 'em are nice, cheering for me to walk the line.
others r juz waitin for me to fall.

i myself.
afraid i could fall anytime.

n i hate a hanging of something.
of relationship.
of anything that bothers me.
well it does.

dis stupid relationship bothers me.
i must say.
im not afraid if u tell me the truth.
its ugly and bitter.
but yeah, i swallow it anyway.

the truth will be juz gud for me.
im glad if u can tell me.
n finally set me free.
if dats what u want.

if u hev any doubts about me,
pls ask me.
i tell u truthfully.

honesty is so important in my life.

n im goin to take my exam soon.
im hoping dis thing will not bother me.
it sux.

nway, thanx for dropping by.
n tell me gud words.
it helps.
for now.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

those things

of failure.
of love.
of lost.

i dun want to fail. sometimes i thought i might juz breakdown. i dun really wanna say im in stress. but yeah, it shows.

i cried. sometimes for so long i never did.
n im scared.
of almost everything.

im sorry anis.
i can't possibly play when my fren is one of the judges.
im scared dat i might hurt u when ur not bein fair.
with words. enough said.
i can't play when my emotion aren't stable.
i might shout, hurting someone else.
nway, really great to be in the team.

i tink im already lost.
pls find me, n bring me back.
its too scary to stay here.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Monday, March 22, 2010

can't trust monday

i can't possibly write it here, can i?
i want to write out my anger.
to which if i vomit it through my word..
a lot of fouls sentences u will heard.

u said
i got some problem attitude.
i came in late to ur class.
i had breakfast.
i was honest though.
late by 5. dats all.
i can't possibly lie.
not dat i dun wanna do
but i juz can't find a gud reason y i should lie in the first place. on monday.
its not like im always late.
never. for morning classes.

then i told u
i woke up late
not dat really happened
juz want to cover
i want to accompany my dearest fren had her breakfast
i can't turn my back on her
simply cuz im a loyal fren

to which u assume
i came back late last night
past 11pm.
for ur information
i never came back late.
n if u dun believe me
u can roll ur eyes
n checked the guard book
which will definitely give u a surprpise.

im not like me when im in ur class
i am certainly sure that i was acting weird
in ur class
juz ur class.
its not boring
maybe u a lil bit too sensitive, no?

idk if u got kids
by my age
well if u do
im sure u understand the situation
i had into.
to my conclusion that ur not.

i was different
bfre u came
u can checked through whichever source u want
they barely noe me
as a problematic student.

if u say
i got problem attitude
then maybe u can run some diagnostic test
n confirm it?
i'll wait. patiently.

u can't remember my name
u hev to c it on my name tag
at least 5 sec bfre u can get right
i said it bfre u do
my name is Sayidatina.
u jolly well said im really a Datin.
broke my heart though.

for ur information..again.
Sayidatina in our religion
known as
The Prophet's Wife name
its like "gelaran"
so im sure my father didn't hev any intention to give my such beautiful name
but hoping i will become Datin?
i bet u heard my frens called me Datin a few times.
but then again..
its juz for entertainment
n not for ur amusement.

im juz glad u didn't land ur skinny fingers onto my skin.


tell me
how would i noe
if i like u

how would u noe
if u like me

how we would noe if we like each other.

"i love u" isn't juz a simple word
to be said
to be written
to be texted

doesn't come
in a night.
takes a whole bunch of courage
to find it

but failed to meet
it fades away, isn't it.

i lost it
can't be able to feel
or maybe juz hard to feel
cuz i wasn't certain
of my own desire too

but what happened
if u r in love
found it
hold on tight to it
take care of it
preserve it, no?

well then if u hev my heart
pls take care of it

if u wanna leave
fix it

im afraid i lost my love in my own deep thoughts.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

of all things

i wish i can turn back tyme
where the time
u dun hev ur exams
n classes
when ur not bz
when ur not at MFI
cuz then we can watch a muvi
n do sort of other things.
in the end i hev to go out wif dis guy
worse guy
idk y i used to fancy him
he is not a gentleman
at all.
i hate him
he teased me ol the time in fb.
where i didn't do any wrong.
i really dun noe dude.
who's goin to accompany me and watch even a stupid muvi?
like i got bf.
nope i dun hev.
5 years.
too long.
eh,i tink u really need a blog.
tell me what happened in france later.
but then u must be bz soon.

one word:

p/s: yuckkss..sounds like..errrr..keep dis thought to myself.

perut kenyang senang hati??

lunch had never been better.
ate..lontong+ nasi impit+rendang+ sambal ikan bilis...
but mkn lontong je..cuz rendang xlarat nk mkn...
dinner maybee..
i asked rara to cook some rice for me..=)
asked anis to buy windows vista.
cuz dis one is goin to expire.
idk. its like some pre release of what..
ok. im not IT freak. idk.

today i didn't take a nap...
usually i do. when at home.
but im so hungry juz now..i couldn't even sleep..
couldn't study..on9 je yg blh..

ok so what la kn..
if i dun drink the water cooler kt college.
ps: im allergic to it.
never ending sore throat if u must noe.
so jgn heran la kalo ko nmpk my dad dtg bwk satu kotak air mineral.
ewww..air kt sini da la kaler kuning.
xpsal2..otak aq pown jd kuning..

mlm ni nk study jp..
esk ade klas..endocrine.
mst dye nk smbng blk psal diabetes..
haaa..kne bce la..
notes psal topic tu mmg tebal..
mmg syok ar aq bce..

uikkss...kt pj ni nk ujan.
gelap je..
keyboard ni je aq nmpk..ngn screen..
len xda dahh..
da la aq sorg2 je ni..
takut kot...
k la.
nk men fb.
best fren on9.

hungry= camwhoring


mne lunch aq xsmpai2 lg nih..
nk gastric dahh..
nway..while waiting for my dearest parents to bring me de lunch..
im waiting patiently in hostel.
and camwhoring

use the photoscape
kind of cool
learn the film effect.
n made weird faces.

ni da third post..
nk study tp....
smlm da study..
ari ahad rse cm nk guling2 ats katil..
dgr lgu..
bce novel..
cecelia ahern..the book of tmrw..
best knnnnnn..
k la.
rse nye da hypoglycaemia.


i want him.
i really wanna hug him.
his ugly
i noe.
to u.
but not to me.
he so cute.
my roomates tink im weird...again.
of course.
y would i like such an ugly thing.

cuz he is diff.
i dun like wt other ppl might like.
teddy bear n stuff.
i like ugly but cute things.
buy me one. pls.


my dad is angry.
at me.
cuz i went out wif a guy.
but my dad noes him.
everybody at our taman noe him
probably angry cuz im not being honest?
but dad, im safe now.
currently studying.
not a scratch.
he didn't do anythin to me.
we juz talked. watched muvi.

im tired of dis already.
im 20. dis november.
u can scold me if im 13.
but im not.
lets c.
i got my first phone when i was 16.
i used to called my bf using house phone n yeah.
u caught me.
hev to dgr bebelan..long.
i never dated. outside school.
for 3 years.
u noe dat urself.
i went to one sex school.
for the rest of my life.
except when junior high.

dat is the only time i actually had a relationship.
i listened to u.
im being a gud daughter all long.
the high school part not count though.
the hormones. u noe.

but i changed.
i went to boarding school.
all girls.
u relieved. i noe.
u bought everythin i want n need.
thanx dad. ur the best.
still now.
i wanna grow up.
let me be.

i noe.
all u want is me to be happy.
but happy is not enough.
i need someone to share wif me all the gud news too.
dis little girl has grow up.
ily dad.

Friday, March 19, 2010


i got a fren.
no not that one.
the other.
if u c my fb i guess u noe.
dat annoying idiot.

we were figthing bout certain stupid thing.
when a girl commented his pic.
he replied so sweet n nice.
dat i thought (my naive thought, yes)
his new gf.

so, im the best stalker u've ever got baby.
i checked the girl's profile.
n she is not what i thought she is.
though i noe juz by looking at the profile pic.
i still want more.
the girl is..
u noe, long outfit.
things dat look like a..
u name it urself.
i dun mind if she's a chinese or indian, but she's malay.
im not sayin im gud.
almost went to the wrong path as well.
lucky me, i hev great parents dat help me show the ryte way.
so im not lost
they called me "please handle with care"

my point is..
i dun understand y a guy could've easily fallen by such creature.
im not stoppin him. he's 20.
go figure out urself.
one word dude

p/s: there could be 2 possibilities y u like her. she's maybe rich. she's ur desire.

Thursday, March 18, 2010


i played hard.
study smart.

dun worry.
i'll be juz fine.

im the least girl u need to worry about.

btw: sy xbley maen sgt. kwn sy ckp bile sy lari menggoda la..haha..

Saturday, March 13, 2010

a phone call to remember

tonight i want to write about something dat happen to me.
i want to remember dis.
my best fren.
very common, yes.
but i still want to tell.
he called me.
yes its him.
long tyme we didn't catch up.
both trying to act as superman n woman.
said my voice was different.
said im jiwang.
i used to act tough n rough.
talked crap ol the time.
somehow tonyte he said i sound diff n asked if something wrong
to which i respond no.

he sick.
told me bout it.
maybe cuz he once said i will be his private nurse someday?
i asked whats wrong.
he told me everything bout the symptoms.
i wish i can tell, but i can't.
its P&C.
then i nagged to him
like i used to do.
he listens. quietly?
haa..dun noe..
i talk real fast. dun noe if he ever catch up?

a moment later.
i asked him
ur goin to france soon.
then he said.
will u come to the airport n send me?
i said..maybee..
cuz i really want to c u cry.
laughed n quickly said.
i will not cry, u idiot.
but after dis..i tink i myte cry..
we did lots of things.
juz come to tink bout it..
gonna come back n become a real man,huh?
probably im already married
but surprsingly he said..
no, u will not get married while im in france.
did he juz wished dat i will not get married?

then i said.
if im ever not gonna get marry..
its totally ur fault.
n ur gonna find me one.
calmly he said..
dats not what i meant.
from what i c..
u r a carreer woman.
u wont get marry dat early.
u hev a lot of thing to achieve ryte?
for once sec, i thought he was ryte.
for dat i trust him.

then he said.
y u never msg me
n ur using maxis..again.
i said
i thought the other day
u bought a purple cardigan for dis lady..wif me.
n u gave it to her.
she must hev like it for sure.
u promised to tell me bout dis lady.
but its a secret for sure.
a secret i hate.
so i assumed dat u got gf now.
dat i dun disturb someone when they r in a relationship.
its not a healthy relationship if we keep messaging..always.
then he goes..
u r a naive girl.
i didn't hev anythin to do wif her.
juz old fren. dat cares for another.
lyke i care for u.
i was perfectly sane when i heard it.
dat i couldnt say anythin.

but all of u should noe,
this is not a love story..
for sure.
its a story bout a fren who cares.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

duduk belakang skali.

alkisah sebelum kelas gynae start..
sy suke talkative la..
ckp, ckp dan bercakap..
tp xkuat mne pown..kre owg sebelah je la bole dgr..
ckp psl ape?
haha..rahsia dow..

then tbe2..
lecture aq yg ngh set up laptop tu pown agk nye annoying ngn aq..
tbe berkate,"the girl dat wears black cardigan, pls stand up."
xyh ar pndg2 tmpt je la yg pkai black cardigan..n she looked at me plak..

"what's ur name?"
"u like to talk so much..u can sit at the back in the middle of the class.."
"unless..u like to tell what u were talkin juz now.."
"no. i want to sit at the back"
"fine. then u sit there everytime my class"

hhahahaa..cmtu la..
nway, i dun mind cuz i like dat subject. not bcuz the way she teaches..
but its really fun to noe the abnormalities..its the fact.
u can't change it.

she some sort of annoying sometimes. if we late come to her class..hev to pay rm1.
today my classmates late to her class due to something they had at the hospitals hev to pay rm5..and they were like 10 person.
what lah..unreasonable..
she like tat one..
but im not goin to fail her damn paper okay..!!

Monday, March 8, 2010


perkataan suka itu blh membunuh aq.
perasaan suka.
suka pd orang.
sgt susah.
untuk dihapuskan.

mungkin aq perlu pura2 bz.
then aq blh lupe la..kot..
perasaan suka itu.

kalau perasaan suka
pd brng2 comel..mungkin aq blh beli.
atau aq akan beli.
i saw what i want, i want it.

however, perasaan suka pd org xsme.
feels lyke u want it, real bad.
then it could slip from ur hand.
by the time u noe it, already gone.