im okayy ;)

yes i do hev certain things to tell.

let me make myself clear.

im hard headed. i noe. stubborn as a donkey if u like to refer to dat.
im pretty much annoying to some people.
im emo. (?)

it just mean dat, if i said i dun like or i dun want to go or do. simply means i just dun want.
n dun ask me again the same question. if i ever want to do dis or dat when im already make up my mind dat im not goin to do so.

i noe u always in between. in doin something. want to do dis wif me, but at the same time want to do dat wif other people. i obviously told u, we could cancel our plan and u can well..do wtever u want to do wif ur other frens. im fine. its ok. u can't possibly judge someone based on their tone of voice. its the way i talked, when somebody pushes me to do something. i noe, thanx for inviting me too..but i dun feel like want to go anywhere until dis weekend.

they dun really care if i go or not, ryte?
they just dun want it to look awkward by inviting u but not me.
cuz we're together-gether, ryte?
yeah..totally get it.

been in dis kind of situation before.
but its ok.im used to.
juz go. i'll be super fine.


yalah. dis post is bout my fren. girl. not boy. aha..

awful thing to tell

ahaa..
tell u something..

well..im usually the confident one but shy whenever im around guys.
the quiet one.
the clumsiest one.
the only talk politely and laugh quietly.


i hev a terrible feeling when it comes to meeting a guy.
big thing to tell.

last time i met a guy,
i dropped a glass.
n trembled n stuttered

he was okay.
but laugh at me till the end.
n if u want to noe whether im nervous or not juz hold my hand.
n u will noe.

i always tought, i hev to get over dis.
go out more often.
wif guys.

but whoever wanna go out wif clumsiest, clueless, girl like me. lol.

im sorry but i've grown up to noe only my dad, my big bro, n my cousins.
those guys.

i went to school girls. primary, secondary (after f3)
and now, dis college..
pretty much i live wif all kinds of girl.


it takes me a few times to get comfortable n maybe keep me smiling the whole day will be fine.
trust me.

u noe me well enough.
i could burst into laughter. once u noe me, dats it. ur gone. the perception.

im consider shy lah kn ;)

DUDE!!

yahhhh...
don't go.

there's a lot.
n dun make me do the web- cammie thing.
i look hidious in so called camera.

i noe ur goin to france.
but i forgot to ask, where on earth in france r u studying?
hehe..so totally me.
always sucks at geo.

hmm..3 years ryte.
so long.
dis one, i pejam celik, pejam celik..
still 2010.

hee..who noes if i change in 3 years...
will u be surprise?
will u still be my friend then?

n i will not cry.
at least not infront of u.
what a shame.
then i will go "what la.."


but then, i really hev question to ask.
do u noe how to cook?
what r u gonna eat there?
hev u ever do laundry?
do u noe how to make bed?
is ur closet goin to be neat n tidy?

hee..
i noe in asis u kinda did those thing.
but do u still remember?


but really,
i hope dis time it'll work for u.
piece of advice,
dun waste ur tears over some girl. get over it.
even if it will not happen..but still..

like i said,
if u can't get over her, get her back.

ouh n come back. look like a man. will be waiting at the airport.
is there ever a song called "will not shed a tears for you"

GO

A little change of the heart
A little light in the dark
A little hope that you might
find your way up out of here
cause you've been hiding for days, wasted and wasting away
but I got a little hope today you'll face your fears

yeah I know its not easy, I know that its hard
follow the lights to the city

get up and go, take a chance and be strong
or you could spend your whole life holding on
dont look back just go, take a breath, move along
or you could spend your whole life holding on
you could spend your whole life holding on

Believe the tunnel can end, believe your body can mend
yeah I know you can make it through, cause I believe in you
So lets go put up a fight, lets go make everything all right
go on and take a shot, go give it all youve got

oh yeah I know its not easy, I know that its hard
No, its not always pretty

get up and go, take a chance and be strong
or you could spend your whole life holding on
dont look back just go, take a breath, move along
or you could spend your whole life holding on
you could spend your whole life holding on
Dont wanna wake up to the telephone ring
"are you sitting down? I need to tell you something"
enough is enough; you can stop waiting to breathe
and dont wait up for me

dont you spend your whole life holding on
yeah yeah

---

how i feel

**********************************

i can always be there whenever you need me

i can always lend my shoulder for you to cry on

i can always hear you talk for hours without getting bored

i can always watch a boring movie with you

we can always do stupid things together again

we can always scream at the top of our lungs

we can always have breakfast,lunch and dinner together at the same stall

we can always watch the stary night together

**************************************

we could almost do everything together

we'll be just fine together

but don't ever say "i love you"

don't give me that slightest hope

because deep inside both of us know

it'll never work

we've done stupid things together

"we just a friend"

a perfect word for us.

i liked u once. n dats enough. u broke my heart. n never intend to fix it. somebody had to do it for you. i have fall in love with the person dat fixed it.

wedding plan

i personally think dat if i can't hev him even if i tried so hard..
then i make him want me back.

nway, smlm g umh my future sis in law.
bincang2..yela diowg kn nk kawen.
then surprisingly, ayah ckp "belah lelaki buat biase2 je..nanti kalo belah tina lain cerita plak la kn.."
wow..sejak bile ayah ckp bnd kawen ngn aku ni..hhahaaa..rse da dewase plak bile ckp psal kawen.

me and kakak went like."ayah, kalau biase2 je org buat kt umh la..bkn kt masjid wilayah ke, restoran cerana ke..apa daaa.."

biase2 konon..percaya lah sgt..
tbe2 seronok plak ckp psal kawen..tp nk plan tuh..ssh gler lah..itu ini..mlm berinai, akad nikah, khemah bpe buah, tetamu bpe owg..xtmsk lg bab makanan..fuhhh lg la dahsyat..
actually aq ikut pown sje2 je..mengisi mse lapang daa..
hheee..igt nk jmp abg, tp dye xikut. cmne ni..dye g further study..ade klas..bz tuh..
owg ngh bincang psal bnd kawen dye ni..blh plak xdtg kn..
xdtg xpe kot...dye kn sempoi..aha..
aku rindu kt abg aku lah..
lme gler xjmp..dye bz je..aku cuti..dye keje..aku keje, dye cuti..haa..bile nk jmp dow..
time dye kawen nt..hahaa..

seronok je aq tgk diowg..happy giler..
plan mcm2..poyo kn..
aq pown tlng sebok plan kn..

one word: seronok!

quotes and please believe.

It is impossible to love and be wise

The worst thing is holding on to someone who doesn’t want to be held on to

Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts

It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust

i like him but as far as i know, i can't have him

well if i tell you a secret, can i keep you?

only 3 of us. satu lg perempuan bz.

itu wawa dan orange juice nya

mama dan kopi beliau

chocolate indulgence always

putus asa

putus asa
mmg jarang ayat ni muncul dlm kamus hidup aq.
bkn xde. tp JARANG.

pasal ape agknye
sedang bermain dlm fikiran aq ni..
ye..pasal seseorang..

kenalan. mst la lelaki.
aq xske post psal seseorang perempuan.
kalau beramai xpe.
tp xde perempuan specific yg aq slalu cite.
melainkan mak aq. atau adik2.
mungkin nanti la.

ok. berbalik pada cerite.
putus asa ni terjadi apabila aq xdpt sesuatu yg aq nk atau xberjaya dapat atau merapatkan diri dgn seseorang yg aq minat. sekurang- kurangnye itulah yg aq rasekn sekarang.

entah. mungkin aq sudah terbiasa dapat apa yg aq mahukan. sejak dari kecil. kalau xdpt mungkin aq akan merengek. dan aq tetap mahukan ia walau apa jua cara sekalipun. tp halal ye..
lambat laun aq dpt jgk. selalu nye begitu aq dilayan oleh kedua orang tua ku.
menatang bagai minyak yg penuh.

bile sudah besar, aq diajar utk berdiri diatas kaki sendiri. aq bekerja selepas tamat spm. punya duit sendiri. seronoknye tak terkire. aq 17 thn pd waktu itu. byk bnd merepek aq nk bli.
nah, itulah hasil titik peluh aku. aq kuat bekerja pd waktu itu.
yg penting duit aq dapat. dan membeli belah.

tp kali ini, aq xberjaya mengenali dia.
ye..kami pernah keluar bersama, xkesampaian nak bertanya lanjut.
xpe aku diamkan. aku tahu dia sibuk orgnye.
tiap minggu ada event. bukan salah dia. xpe. aq juga sibuk dgn kerja seharian yg perlu disiapkan.

sudah lama ye aq bersabar.
masih lg.
sampai sekarang aq masih bertanya,
aku ni dilihat spt kanak2 kecil kah?
sedangkan kau sudah mkn byk garam dariku.
tapi aku tidak mahu kau anggap aku anak kecil, layanlah aku seperti wanita dewasa.
aku tidak sabar hendak lenyapkan tajuk keanakan dari diri aku.
erti kata lain, aku nk jd dewasa di mata kau.

sampai suatu saat,
aku penat. melayan karenah diri aku ni.
penat menunggu.
aku xsuke menunggu sebenarnya..aku lebih rela lambat dari menunggu kedatangan seseorang.
ye..nampaknye aku kurang sabar..tp itu aku. menunggu. aku x suke.

aku nak buang kau jauh dari ingatan.
kau xsepatutnye hadir dalam memori aku. penat aku simpan memori ni.
xsepatutnye kau layan aku. tapi kau selalu buat semua org tergelak. termasuk aku. aku suka jika ada orang yg buat aku tergelak dan tersenyum. aku senang dgn perlakuan kau itu.

apa yg aku mahu adalah keterangan.
mengapa?
apa?
bagaimana?

aku suka selesaikan sesuatu masalah aku dgn cara terbuka. bukan diam dan pergi.
aku perlu jawapan dan penyelesaian. berbincang lebih tepat. dan perbincangan itu haruslah jujur.

putus asa ini melambangkan penat dan lelah aku terhadap kau.
kau baik, tapi masa mencemburui kita.
aku suka kau dan sekali lagi masa mencemburui kita.
mengapa tidak jarak yg menjadi masalah bagi aku?
kerana kalau jarak lah penyebabnya, akan aku atasi nya..

masa sangat pantas berlalu.
pejam celik mata ini, tidak selalu berjumpa..maka ingatan aku terhadap kau pun akan lenyap.
dan berharap dapat berjumpa orang yg akan selalu buat aku gembira. dan tersenyum. tergelak semula. dgn ikhlasnya.

harap2 begitu lah. kalau kau ingin menjelma semula. buatlah aku tergelak lagi. pasti aku suka.

dan pada kau..aku suka kau. itu saja. aku xtahu apa perasaan kau terhadap aku. harap yang baik2lah..sebab statement aku, aku suka kau. dah la..banyak kali ulang. rimas.

p/s: kalau kau baca, tanyalah khabar aku. itu aje.

after the marathon

i won!! the marathon. hey, not all people can finish the marathon. some people fall sick n lost.

while waiting for parents to pick me up, i slept. for many hours. then went home, daddy said, "kite tgk wayang arini!!"

me: ape cite?

adek: clash of titan

me: ouh, k. korg jgn nyesal plak nt.

daddy: npe plak? xbest ke?

me: tgk je la nt..hehe..

so tgk la.

review:

the action part is so cool. especially the scorpion thing. heh..i screamed..as usual..

but the concept is beyond my expectation. i noe greek people believe in Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades..but turn against them..whoaa..is dis even real? im sure not, ryte?

haih..the director and producer..they must be...well u noe..

anyway, its a lot like percy jackson and the lightning thief. travel to find hades, medusa (except in dis movie, medusa dun hev legs tho)

percy is more cute. i mean..the storyline..and they got centaur..hehe..

hero botak pown nmpk gagah perkasa, ensem..not bad..hahhaa.

after movie, go makan..kt sg ramal, kajang..

lepak2..mkn satay ng char kuey teow je pown..

sikit je..

p/s: i bought new novel!! BFF!! its been long time i didnt read novels..dun hev dat time =p

4 nights of marathon (final part)

last nyte yesterday.
haihhh..

in conclusion:
penat. penat. penat.
kite dpt taw perangai sbnr seseorang apabila kite wt night shift.
xsuke. aq bkn nye request pown. xpsal2 dpt. bkn nye aq dok jauh. dok dekat selangor je pown. bkn nye aq nk cuti lme2 cuz nk g dating..

patient tu degil. turun gk katil. then jatuh. she's confused. dat's y. both side cot up. degil.degil..
gerammm nye...da jd incident case.

then npe mst aq yg nmpk? y must i passed by. why??

one more thing, i guess dats the side effect of taking long term sedatives.

lesson: never ever take sedatives for a long term. u might hear voices soon

its inevitable

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

4 nights of marathon (part 3)

1645 kot aq bngn.
haihh..panas dow.

roommate aq plak ske ngn matahari agknye..bkk langsir besar2..
ape la mslh dia nk bkk langsir besar2..
so, kali ni aq bngn aq tgk cermin, (setiap kali bngn pown tgk cermin je..=p)
mate aq lebam,sepet (bertambah sepet dr sebelumnya), sembab..
actually tiap kali aq bngn pown mate aq cm owg jepun..
sepet, dan sembab..tp kejap je..pastu da hilang daaa..hehe..

tibe2 rse cm nk minum milo..
milo panas..pelik kn..panas2 nk minum milo panas..
haha..cakap owg laen..tp skg aq pown buat je..
pe nth..tina2..

sedapp taw milo aq wt..(padahal 3 in 1 je)
hee~~

mlm ni kn....last night!! yeay!!

last night aq dating ngn patient.
dating?

ape la..korg igt aq free sgt ke...


third night:
got dis patient, he can't move..ok. btw, he's old. always pressed the call bell..to take dis la, dat la..
want to eat dis..and dat..
ok2..i juz layan je la..
everytime the call bell..
staff will said
"tina, ur bf is calling u..."
then i said "right,coming.."

later on, when doin the paper work
staff again teased me
"tmrw last night right, nvm u can ask for divorce later..hehe"

haha..until then still hev to entertain him..
i dun mind though...but i'll answer him a bit late la cuz i noe wt he wants and im..well..as usual bz..wif other patients..

night shift is...quite hard i must say.
and..bz..hev to change drips, the old ones..well u noe wt we do...
check blood sugar..the paper work..answer calls bell...give inhalation..medication...
take care of the post op patients..if got late night opt..

see..cmne xtercabut kaki aq...oh go pharmacy and take the medication..

lesson : kalau boleh sediakan 2 pasang kaki. n pls..ask for divorce tonight. pls..pls..set me free..
oh uncle..

wish: relax tonight..

*thank you for the panda biscuit*

i really want you to know

feeling dis song

remember all the things we wanted

now all our memories, they're haunted

we were always meant to say goodbye

even with our fists held high

it never would've worked out right

we were never meant for do or die

i didn't want us to burn out

i didn't come here to hold you, now i can't stop

i want you to know that it doesn't matter

where we take this road someone's gotta go

and i want you to know you couldn't have loved me better

but i want you to move on so im already gone

looking at you makes it harder

but i know that you'll find another

that doesn't always make you want to cry

started with a perfect kiss then

we could feel the poison set in

perfect couldnt keep this love alive

you know that i love u so

i love you enough to let you go

i want you to know that it doesn't matter

where we take this road someone's gotta go

and i want you to know you couldnt have loved me better

but i want you to move on so im already gone

im already gone, already gone

you cant make it feel right when you know that it's wrong

im already gone, already gone

there's no moving on so im already gone

already gone, already gone, already gone

already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

4 nights of marathon (part 2)

bngn pukul 1330.
tnye roommate yg off arini
"eat already r?"
dye jwb "not yet"
come la lets eat.
when?
now?

after dat i fell asleep.
she asked me if want to tapaw. then i said pls tapaw for me.
anythin dat got chicken, tofu, and egg..
then she said "vege?"
i replied, "the tofu is my vege"
mcm la xtaw aq ni xmkn sayur hijau. heh..

then while waiting for her..Zzz..
aiyaaa..really cannot tahan la..
mengantuk gile babs..

xtaw la bpe lme da aq tido,
taw2 je "tina, lets eat'
time tu bru bngn..mkn2..


jap lg tido blk...xcukup ni..
mate aq sembab..

keburukan nyte shift:

1. eye bag
2. org tido, ko keje.
3. hormone haywire
4. pimples
5. metabolic disorders?
6. u missed lunch, probably dinner?
7. u probably wake up dun noe wt day and date
8. u missed everything dat u need to noe, cuz u were in deep sleep. no body dare to disturb u.

nway,
second night:

better. no drama.

story: ade sorg uncle ni..the one i talked about in first nyte, dia punya son yg jge..stay up all nyte long..the son looks like those taiko2..yg gangster tu..wif all the earings..tp cute je aq tgk..
u noe y? he talked nicely to his father even the father scold him and shout at him..he still remain calm..ouh cair sudah..tp dia ade gf lah..so, wtever.

lesson: no matter how ur father is, he is still ur father..n dis goes the same about mother as well.
take care of them wif all ur heart.

p/s: i still dun like to do unnecessary things. such as, folding plastic bags.

u can do it urself ryte?

my own way

i post the lyrics
it means something
to me

what i feel ryte now
i cant describe it
with my own word
so lyrics show it

if u dun like.
pls leave.

for you i will

wandering in the streets, in a world underneath it all

nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet

as what i can't have

like you and the way that you're twisitng your hair

round your finger

tonight im not afraid to tell you

what i feel bout you

im gonna muster every ounce of confidence as i have
and cannon ball into the water
im gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have
for you i will
for you i will

forgive me if i stutter
from all of the clutter in my head
cause i could fall asleep in those eyes
like a waterbed
do i seem familiar, i've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
i want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

im gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have
and cannon ball into the water
im gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have
for you i will
you always want what you can't have
but i've got to try
im gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have
for you i will
for you i will
for you i will
for you

if i could dim the lights in the mall
and create a mood i would
shout out your name so it echoes in very room,yeah

that's what i do
that's what i do
that's what i do
to get through to you

im gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have
and cannon ball into the water
im gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have
for you i will
you always want what you can't have
but i've got to try
im gonna muster every ounce of confidence i have
for you i will
for you i will
for you i will
for you i will

4 nights of marathon (part 1)

0900- 1550 : sleeping..Zzz...

plus, i elevated my leg.
so pain, i can't really stand properly.
man, u dun noe how i rocked my nyte.
i done sort of things during nyte shift.

tell ya something,
i kinda miss nyte shift.
ouh, no eye bag...yet.

n im working wif dis staff ryte..
she is so beautiful.
before start working, her hair looks fine.
eyeliner looks fine.

during work, even better.

after work, hours pass by..
damn, she still looks good.
while passing report,
the only thing i look is at her.

but..im not pervert!!
i juz mesmerized..
she used to be my senior u noe..hehe..

y sound so lesbians
no lah..its juz a compliment.

first nyte.

lesson: when oxygen in ur body is not enough, u can get confused. plus if u do hev lungs problem. it will be worse.


wish: second nyte more interesting and less work pls. esp. the not necessarily things to do, but we hev to do to satisfy u. huh..

i'll be ur greatest fan

currently in this mood.

the strands in ur eyes, they color them wonderful
stop me from stealin my breath
emeralds from mountain thrust towrds the sky
never revealing their depth

tell me that we belong together
dress it up with trappings of love
i'll be captivated, i'll hang from ur lips
instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

and i'll be your cryin shoulder
i'll be love suicide
i'll be better when im older
i'll be the greatest fan of ur life

and rain falls angry on the tin roof
as we lie awake in my bed
you're my survivor, you're my living proof
my love is alive and not dead

and tell me that we belong together
dress it up with the trappings of love
i'll be captivated, i'll hang from ur lips
instead of gallows of heartache that hang from above

and i'll be your cryin shoulder
i'll be love suicide
i'll be better when im older
i'll be the greatest fan of ur life

i've dropped out, burned up
and fought my way back from the dead
i've tuned in and turned on
and remember the day that you left

and i'll be ur cryin shoulder
and i'll be love suicide
i'll be better when im older
i'll be the greatest fan of ur life.

dis is what bothering me. RA.

i asked my frens to wish me luck yesterday before i sleep.
here is the reason.

i got RA dis morning.
ryte. what is RA?
Running Assessment.
i told u, i hate RA and all the little things we have to do.
sem 4. i hate num 4 as well. suey.
i stay in level 4. 4 is really something.
y not 8? ong maa..

nway, tell u a bit bout dis RA.
we have to choose a patient, which got a good case. for me, my tutor said i can chose mine. but my case is not dat satisfying, then she chose herself. if can i pray hard, not be a guy. not a guy. i..well..trembled..but she chose an uncle, almost same as my dad's age, so i guess its fine.
then we talked about y they admitted, the treatment, serve the medication, nursing diagnosis, plan the care chart and every little things..

review:
from tutor to me.

interview. she said im such a good talker, i noe how to bring up patient somehow to talk. talk is really my thing..good interview..

facts. not strong enough..should become more serious in class..and im sure u will success..n dun go round and round bout the facts..

ouh..n she said i should be able to interpret the lab data result and link to patients diagnosis. sure i'll do that. but i can't when u only give me basically 20 minutes to study bout the patient..argghhh...

btw, she changed my patient last minute and i have to study the case for 20 minutes. how cool is dat? im quite impressed wif myself, im able to tell the case almost perfect. n she had no questions to asked me. wohhooooooo!!

note to myself: i like interview people now.
pls. read more.
if ur in her game, make sure u win.


btw, there's dis health education i forgot to tell uncle. n she reminded me. but its too late..feel like wanna go back to uncle and told him. its really important. i cried because i forgot to tell him. but of course, didn't cry in front of her. what a shame..

overall: those wishes came true. pls do wish more.

how to save a life

step one one u say we need to talk
he walks away u say sit down its just a talk

he smiles politely back at you

you stare politely right on through

some sort of window to your right

as he goes left and you stay right

between the lines of fear and blame

and you begin to wonder why you came

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend

somewhere along in the bitterness

and i would have stayed up with you all night

had i known how to save a life

let him know that you know best

cause after all you do know best

try to slip past his defense

without granting innocence

lay down list of what is wrong

the things you've told him all along

and pray to God, he hears you

and pray to God he hears you

where did i go wrong, i lost a friend
somewhere along in the bitterness

and i would have stayed up with you all night

had i known how to save a life

as he begins to raise his voice

you lower yours and grant him one last choice

drive until you lose the road

or break with the ones you've followed

he will do one of two things

he will admit to everything

or he'll say he's just not the same

and you begin to wonder why you came

where did i go wrong i lost a friend

somewhere along in the bitterness

and i would have stayed up with you all night

had i known how to save a life